How Growing Older May Really Be About Growing Deeper
It was my birthday this month and I decided that once I hit 50, I could start going backwards. Sooo, this year I celebrated my 49th. My sister asked me how it felt to be in my first year of my 40s (she is playing along as I go back down the ladder) and I said I felt fantastic. I wore a tierra that read, “Tiny bit older” as I proudly blew out my forty-nine lit candles.
The thing is, I actually did feel a little better by saying I was 49 instead of 51 so maybe there is something to this?
Turning fifty last year launched an amazing turn of events. I was preparing to leave for my fifty countries, but I had just finished another surgery (the fourth in a year), recently had gone through a heartbreak and was rounding to the end of my forties with all the fabulous side effects of perimenopause! Yayyyy, hot flashes and night sweats!
I just kept thinking if I could get on that plane, that would solve everything!
In some ways, it did. Traveling allowed me to be new all over again. It forced me to be a beginner and feel like a kid as I discovered new things and explored new places. That excitement I felt as I stepped off the plane and into an unexplored world was magical. The wonder is always greatest the first time you experience something. As we get older, it becomes harder and harder to experience things for the first time. You start to go on autopilot and get used to your routines. You choose the path of least resistance over the path that’s new or different. I find that even in my walks, I tend to choose the same trail over and over because I know exactly where it leads me. Travel is the catalyst for new experiences!
My body didn’t behave quite the way I had expected though, and I ended up at the hospital in Ecuador. No major issues but a small snafu along the way and a reminder that no matter where you go, your body reminds you of what you need. Other things didn’t resolve either. I’ve read somewhere, “Whatever you don’t work out, you act out.” Sometimes that acting out comes in the form of text fighting someone you love as you sit on a park bench in El Salvador sobbing.
Distance can give you perspective but you still have to deal with your problems.
So upon my return from my grand world adventure, I decided to finally face some of those issues. I’m back in counseling and working on unraveling the web that still entangles my life. People pleasing, fear, trust issues, feelings of unworthiness and shame are just a few of those strands that have been woven into my life. This kind of deep introspective work isn’t easy. True growth comes in the places of discomfort. As I push through old beliefs, patterns, and behaviors, I remind myself that it’s worth it even though it’s painful!
I would say that as exciting as 50 was, 51 has been super non-exciting. No huge parties, no big trips, no high emotions or extreme feelings — just a pleasant day spent with family and loved ones. And maybe that’s what this decade is all about. Instead of growing up and out, maybe it’s all about growing down and in? Maybe it’s about deepening my roots like a tree. I reach down internally into the depths of my soul. The time will come when I can put my energy into reaching for the sun and sky.
Maybe that’s what this is all about anyway. Maybe growing older really means growing deeper.
Exploring here and now, the people and things I have in my everyday life. Could it be that the real treasure has been with me all along? So happy 51st birthday to me! I may not be on a plane to a new and exciting adventure abroad but I am learning that true happiness and contentment is available to me here and now in this very perimenopausal, achy-jointed, hot-flashing, raging, forgetful and tired body. I can embrace it all and just like a tree, I will grow my roots and be grounded in this beautiful Pacific Northwest city and in this community of beautiful people (YOU). So thank you for being by my side and doing life along with me. I am truly grateful.
A little thing I learned at a birthday party for my Colombian friend, Dayana, every person around the table took a long candle, lit it, and gave his or her wish to her for the year. Then we handed her the candle to put on the cake and her cake was filled with wishes from all of us. I adopted this tradition for my own birthday. I loved hearing everyone’s wishes for my life.
Today, I’d like to make a wish for you. Imagine me saying this as I light this long candle and hand it to you as you place it on your favorite cake: “May the light of God envelop you with his love and peace. May you grow roots deep in the soil of your own soul nourished with abundance, grace, creativity and love. May you find joy in everyday life!”
P.S. I know that sometimes it’s hard to find that glimmer of hope when you are going through hard times. But I can promise you that joy is available to us in every single moment. It’s in a beautiful leaf falling from a golden tree, in the smile of a stranger, in the bite of tasty food, or a sip of your favorite hot drink. Look for the glimmers throughout your day and you will find that joy will follow.
If you need a boost and would like to spend time in an encouraging community, art class is waiting for you.
If you can’t afford a class right now but still need a boost …
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