Which is More Romantic? Fate or Staying True to Your Values?
- 4 days ago
- 6 min read
Do you ever rewatch an old movie or show that you used to think was amazing only to realize it wasn’t quite as good as you remembered?
I recently saw the movie Serendipity. It's an old rom-com that I had always remembered as being magical and special. I think the last time I watched it was about fifteen years ago. I was younger, a little more angsty, and glamorized romance. I loved the idea of fate, soulmates, and that person somewhere out there just waiting to find me.
So much has happened since then that I thought it would be interesting to watch it again and see if it still felt the same.
It didn't.
For those who haven't seen it, the two main characters meet while they're both involved with other people. They have an instant connection and spend the night together (nothing physical, just time together) but then leave it to fate to see if they will ever find each other again. They spend years holding onto the belief that maybe they were meant to be together. They fantasize what could have been instead of the life they are currently in. They both were even engaged with new people but having this nagging desire to find “that one that got away.”
What stood out to me this time wasn't the romance. It was the people left behind.
I especially found myself feeling for Halley, Jonathan’s fiancée. She could sense that something was off. She was planning a future with someone who was emotionally unavailable. Even if he couldn't quite admit it to himself, she could feel it. And she was desperately trying to connect, but he kept these feelings hidden. In the end, he calls off the wedding and reunites with Sara, his “soulmate.” Years ago, I would have found that ending beautiful. “They held on through everything to find each other once again! Fate has won!”
This time I rolled my eyes.
When the movie ended, I didn't feel hopeful or swept away by romance. I felt a little sad. The whole thing felt surprisingly shallow and selfish, and I found myself wondering why I had loved it so much in the first place.
The answer, I think, has less to do with the movie and more to do with who I was when I first watched it.
Back then, I loved the idea that fate was directing everything and that if we were on the right path, life would somehow arrange itself exactly as it was supposed to. In some ways, I still believe that. I do think that when we are living in alignment with God and with our values, things often unfold in ways we could never have planned ourselves.
What has changed is my understanding of our responsibility in that process.
I've come to believe that doing the right thing matters more than chasing every feeling that comes along. Feelings are real, but they aren't always trustworthy. They come and go, and if we let them drive every decision, they can lead us into situations that look exciting in the moment but leave a trail of hurt behind them.
I connect with a lot of people. I probably could fall in love everyday if I wanted to. But connection isn't the same thing as commitment, and chemistry isn't always a sign that we are supposed to pursue anything with that person. There is a balance between listening to our feelings and letting them drive our lives.
That's part of what bothered me about the movie this time around. The characters never technically cheated, but they flirted and allowed for emotional intimacy while they were already committed to other people. It is a slippery slope.
As my mother always would say (and I think she was quoting Martin Luther), "You can't keep a bird from flying over your head, but you can keep it from making a nest in your hair." This is how you deal with the temptations that come your way and stay true to your principles.
The thing that stuck out most to me, however, was realizing how much I've changed.
The things we romanticize often tell us something about who we are at the time. When we revisit them years later, they can reveal just how much we've grown.
What I once found romantic now feels selfish or superficial. The super hot guy might still be hot, but then you dig a little deeper and discover he has no relationship with his kids or he's in an "open relationship" with his wife. Suddenly the shine wears off.
Maybe the younger version of me would have focused on his potential. Maybe she would have imagined being the person who could help him change. The older version of me has learned to pay attention to who someone actually is rather than who they might become someday.
Even if they're Brad Pitt, George Clooney, or whoever your celebrity crush happens to be, if they don't have their life together now, chances are they won't magically have it together later just because you came along.
That shift has been one of the gifts of getting older. Not because I've become cynical, but because I've become a little more realistic.
Don't get me wrong. I still have a vivid imagination.
Sometimes I'm living in southern Spain with my Spanish lover, or in my stucco adobe style house painting with my partner in Mexico City. Wait, I’m now in Tuscany where I live on a vineyard making wine with my wine-making hottie of a husband. The possibilities are endless. My mind still likes to wander off on adventures and daydream from time to time. And I do have such a vivid imagination. In each of these life scenarios, they are very romantic and they all seem like a fabulous adventure.
The difference is that I don't confuse those fantasies with reality anymore. They're just little daydreams that remind me how many different lives are possible. Then I come back to the present and remember that this life, this adventure, and even this season of being solo is something sacred. I’m living a pretty cool life right now by traveling the world, honoring my heart, my freedom, and truly loving my singleness and embracing this season of solitude.
It's exactly where I'm supposed to be right now.
I know that may change someday, just as my perspective on old rom-coms has changed. But maybe that's the point.
We aren't supposed to stay the same. We're supposed to grow.
Looking back, I think that's what this movie unexpectedly gave me. Not a renewed belief in soulmates or fate, but a chance to see the distance between who I was and who I am becoming.
Travel has certainly played a role in that growth. Meeting people from different cultures, hearing their stories, and stepping outside of my own assumptions has changed the way I view relationships, life, and what truly matters. I've noticed that as I've become more grounded in my values, I naturally connect with different kinds of people. The relationships and situations that once seemed exciting don't show up in the same way anymore.
If you'd like to follow along with some of those adventures and reflections, I'd love for you to subscribe to my YouTube channel.
I'd also love to hear from you. What's something you used to think was amazing that you see completely differently now? Maybe it was a movie, a relationship, a dream, or an activity that you've simply outgrown.
I think there's something important about honoring the person we were when we loved those things while also giving ourselves permission to move beyond them. Growth doesn't always mean we were wrong before. It sometimes means we've gained a new perspective.
Life is always inviting us to expand.
And sometimes that expansion means realizing that the cage we once fit inside has become too small.
So here's to growing bigger wings.
If growing bigger wings includes you taking a step into something new and painting. Then please don’t hesitate to join me in classes over the summer at the studio or just jump in for a Sip and Paint day/night when you can. At minimum you’ll be learning something new and creating some new friendships and connections along the way.
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